office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
