My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
