we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The adults are the big ones right?
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