In the future we'll all be gay
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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