these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
