Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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