but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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