Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
