It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize