I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
