i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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