I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
