Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
