We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
