I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize