So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
