just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
