dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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