Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
