So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
