covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found your dick twin last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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