Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
