No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
