Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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