I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
