And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
