white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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