So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
