Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
