sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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