The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
