In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize