I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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