Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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