So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
