I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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