I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
