We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
