I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize