My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
