I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
