Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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