So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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