she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
