oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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