she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
