The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
