Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
