I wanna bring you to show and tell
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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