Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
