Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
