the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
