I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
