hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
