Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize