it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
