im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
