Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
