Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
