i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
