Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
