:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
