No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
