he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize