Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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