Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
