she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
