He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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