We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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