I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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