I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
