i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
