if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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