wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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