Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize