oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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