You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
