there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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